What to do when you don't know what to do...or when you know what to do and are just not sure quite how to do it. That is the dilemma presently before me. How do you turn someone away when they came to you with no where left to turn. How do you tell them you can't help them anymore when you've been where they are and you remember so clearly what it's like to find that you look at yourself in the mirror and you really have no idea who that person is and no one that loves you can really understand what you're going through and that makes you feel completely alone and as though there really is no one on your side? I am struggling with how to carry out what I know is best for the majority because I don't know what the result of those actions will ultimately be when it comes to the one. I am responsible for others and I have a responsibility to them. I have to do what is best for those I am responsible for and I know that. I think part of me is afraid that if I try to take the action that I know deep down needs to be taken, I will be overruled and, in the end, feel utterly powerless to be able to do anything to make things better and have to live with the consequences of trying to do what needs to be done to begin with. And another part of me is afraid that if I do what I know I should, someone that I love very much, that I know is struggling through some serious personal problems right now, will hit rock bottom and do something that can't be taken back, that he or I may not be able to live with. I am praying for God's guidance through this, for the strength to do what needs to be done, for the wisdom to know the right way to do it, and for the courage to stand in the face of whatever follows. In the meantime, I am taking comfort from the reassurance I find in His Word.
This is what the Lord says to you: "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's."
2 Chronicles 20:15
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
The Beauty of Faith
I had an aunt named Bobbie. She was actually my great-aunt, if you want to get technical. She is probably one of the single most beautiful people I have ever known in my life. I have often described her by saying that she had more faith in her little finger than most people have in their whole bodies. She had this amazing love for the Lord that just made her radiate. There was a light within her that just shown and gave her this beauty that can't really be described. I regret immensely that my realization of what a gift it is to have someone like that in your life came in hindsight, for the most part. She died before I was mature enough to see and to appreciate how blessed I was to experience her in my life. I guess it was really more around the time that I really became mature enough to see it, and I missed out on my opportunity to appreciate it. I go to church with a woman who reminds me very much of Bobbie. If you saw the two of them, you would probably wonder how exactly I could be reminded of Bobbie whenever I see Ms. Lyda.
Ms. Lyda has that same faith. She shines with it and it is what makes her truly beautiful. She is just a tiny little woman and so frail in appearance, but she is one of single strongest people I have known in my life. Her strength comes from her faith and she makes sure anyone and everyone knows that she faces life and everything that it throws at her through her faith in God. I told her once that I just thought she was one of the most beautiful people that I have ever known and she looked at me so funny. I told her that when I look at her, I just see light and it radiates and is beautiful. She told me she loved me and that the light I saw was the Lord Jesus in her heart and it was his love alone that made her shine. Wow. True beauty right there.
I hope someday that someone looks at me and thinks that I am beautiful like that. I guess I should clarify here by saying that I don't generally describe people as beautiful. I see the mountains in the morning as the sun comes up and think beautiful or the sky as it changes colors in the west as the sunsets. Those awe inspiring things that you see and just wonder at the hand that created them, those things that take your breath away and you just can't find the words to really convey what you felt when you saw them, those things are beautiful. I just haven't seen too many people that take my breath away like that. Ms. Lyda does that. When I see her at church, I am awed by her grace, by the faith that radiates from her and by the love that just flows from her to others. In that way, she is so much like my aunt Bobbie that I almost feel as though God put her in my life so that I would have the chance to appreciate having someone like that in my life.
These ladies inspire me so much that I can't even express it really. I have faith in God, but I often allow life and its trials and complications to shake that faith. I don't turn to him first when I am struggling and often find myself trying to deal with things all on my own and just push through whatever problems I am having when I know that the many times in my life when circumstances have finally just forced me to my knees, He has been there. He has given me the strength that I needed to stand. He has pointed me in the right direction to find a solution to whatever struggles I am facing. My hope is that someday, after much cultivation, my faith will be such that someone sees me and thinks, "Wow, she's truly beautiful." Because when they look at me, what they see is the love of the God that loves me so much that he sent his son to die for me. They see that love the way I see it when I look at Ms. Lyda, so much so that it radiates. That is true beauty, when God's love is so much of who you are that it is that evident to others.
That is my goal, to cultivate my relationship with God and someday, maybe I'll be someone's Ms. Lyda, the person they see that always makes them smile and inspires them by offering evidence of what it truly means to love others with Christ's love.
Ms. Lyda has that same faith. She shines with it and it is what makes her truly beautiful. She is just a tiny little woman and so frail in appearance, but she is one of single strongest people I have known in my life. Her strength comes from her faith and she makes sure anyone and everyone knows that she faces life and everything that it throws at her through her faith in God. I told her once that I just thought she was one of the most beautiful people that I have ever known and she looked at me so funny. I told her that when I look at her, I just see light and it radiates and is beautiful. She told me she loved me and that the light I saw was the Lord Jesus in her heart and it was his love alone that made her shine. Wow. True beauty right there.
I hope someday that someone looks at me and thinks that I am beautiful like that. I guess I should clarify here by saying that I don't generally describe people as beautiful. I see the mountains in the morning as the sun comes up and think beautiful or the sky as it changes colors in the west as the sunsets. Those awe inspiring things that you see and just wonder at the hand that created them, those things that take your breath away and you just can't find the words to really convey what you felt when you saw them, those things are beautiful. I just haven't seen too many people that take my breath away like that. Ms. Lyda does that. When I see her at church, I am awed by her grace, by the faith that radiates from her and by the love that just flows from her to others. In that way, she is so much like my aunt Bobbie that I almost feel as though God put her in my life so that I would have the chance to appreciate having someone like that in my life.
These ladies inspire me so much that I can't even express it really. I have faith in God, but I often allow life and its trials and complications to shake that faith. I don't turn to him first when I am struggling and often find myself trying to deal with things all on my own and just push through whatever problems I am having when I know that the many times in my life when circumstances have finally just forced me to my knees, He has been there. He has given me the strength that I needed to stand. He has pointed me in the right direction to find a solution to whatever struggles I am facing. My hope is that someday, after much cultivation, my faith will be such that someone sees me and thinks, "Wow, she's truly beautiful." Because when they look at me, what they see is the love of the God that loves me so much that he sent his son to die for me. They see that love the way I see it when I look at Ms. Lyda, so much so that it radiates. That is true beauty, when God's love is so much of who you are that it is that evident to others.
That is my goal, to cultivate my relationship with God and someday, maybe I'll be someone's Ms. Lyda, the person they see that always makes them smile and inspires them by offering evidence of what it truly means to love others with Christ's love.
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